[transmission from...Tyler Sonnichsen]

I stopped into Crooked Beat tonight to check up on the merchandise and say hi to the friendly neighborhood proprietor Bill. As I was on my way out, Bill began to extrapolate on how Capitol, that wonderful money devouring machine, albeit the machine responsible for some of the finer music we’ve heard in the past half-century, has upped the list price of the latest Decemberists album “The Crane Wife” to $18.99.
Allow me to highlight the part of this abruptly-staged intro that I found somewhat intriguing and disappointing. Eighteen fucking dollars and ninety-nine cents. NINETEEN FUCKING DOLLARS. The Decemberists. Remember when they made pleasant little records for friendly neighborhood label Kill Rock Stars and could still headline clubs all over the country? Ah, yes, I was in college then. Now, they’re stars, though I’m sure Colin Meloy hasn’t gotten degenerately greedy like those bastards in Men Without Hats (so much potential that band had!!) with a taste of success. If I ever hear a Capitol executive complain about record sales, I’m going to hit a small mammal in the head with a giant board. And that mammal may be a human. We all know that the music industry has been riddled with hypocrisy for years, but this is just abject defiance of logic.

Here’s what is completely logical, though… getting a bunch of Korean Orphans together and making them sing!



I think I spent fifty cents on sheer Christian irony here. World Vision is (was?) a missionary attempt to capture these former "waifs" and turn them into adorable, singing messengers of God.



To be fair, Side 2 is infinitely more secular. (Does finding humor in the Word Records 'sword cutting a Bible in half' logo make me a terrible person?) I think that most bed-ridden kiddies all over the world in need of inspiration will appreciate the break after being Jesus'd out on Side 1. Essentially, these kids did great things for themselves and humanity as a whole, and many of them probably still do. Check out these "tour" pics from the back of the album. On top, they're watching a crippled formosan girl "proudly hobble" as she shows them how she's learning to walk. On the bottom, we see Indian prime minister of the day Jawaharlal Nehru greeting the choir director Dr. Bob Pierce and the choir in New Delhi. What excitement for a bunch of little orphaned Korean kids! I've never met the Prime Minister of India or the King of Norway (you can see the kids meeting Olaf, too, on the record sleeve), and my parents are alive and well in Connecticut. What's in it for me? Well, the chance to see these kids live on their first ever east-coast tour this summer! To hell with Pitchfork, TDC Presents is where your ass now knows to come for the hottest, late-breaking tour news. Here are some dates (all not confirmed as of press time):

• JUNE 2 - NEW YORK, NY - HAMMERSTEIN BALLROOM (w/ Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, The Rapture, and other skinny white people who sound like Talking Heads!)
• JUNE 3 - CAMDEN, NJ - SOME CRACKHOUSE (w/ Bobby Brown and the starting line of the '79 Miami Dolphins)
• JUNE 4 - BALTIMORE, MD - THE HAMILTON ARTS COLLECTIVE (w/ comedian Tom Myers)
• JUNE 5- ARLINGTON, VA - GALAXY HUT (w/ nobody else, since they will fill up the entire bar)
• JUNE 6 - VIRGINIA BEACH, VA - PAT ROBERTSON'S ESTATE (private Pat Robertson benefit concert for Pat Robertson, who will watch while sitting upon a giant pile of money)
• JUNE 8 - ATHENS, GA - SOME BROKEN DOWN HOUSE (Athens? Seriously, who likes Athens anymore? R.E.M. was there like what- 24 years ago? I rest my case)
• JUNE 10 - ORLANDO, FL - EPCOT CENTER (in the 'Korea' station at the International Exhibit...they still have that, don't they?)
• JUNE 12 - NEW ORLEANS, LA - PRESERVATION HALL (for the preservation of good old style choir music..okay, this is getting kind of dumb)
• JUNE 13 - AUSTIN, TX - EMO'S [SXSW FESTIVAL] (isn't South by Southwest in March?)
• JUNE 15 - ARIZONA - THE MIDDLE OF THE DESERT (w/ Supergrass, because they make it look cool)
• JUNE 16 - TIJUANA - SACRED HEART ORPHANAGE (in a heated choir rap-battle with the Mexican Orphan Choir, the winner of which will be flown directly to the sun)
• JUNE 17 - THE SUN (IF THEY WIN) - SUN SECTOR A2F (Private concert for Zeus, or whoever lives on the sun)
• JUNE 17 - HOBOKEN, NJ (IF THEY LOSE) - GET IT? 'CAUSE THAT'S WHERE ALL LOSERS GO!!! OH, MAN! Actually, my friend Matt's pretty cool.

What an exciting summer these kids, and you, have in store!

Dammit, I need to get some sleep.